It started off well. I responded to the teacher’s question by starting down a path talking about some things we did back home in ministry there and how people are people and how we should be more concerned about the people coming in the front door of the church than the Christians leaving out the back door all ticked off about something. The problem is that I was thinking perfectly in English and knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t get it out in Thai. I just couldn’t get it out. I was missing words in Thai in my story that were really integral to the telling of my story…. And it sounded awful. It was a train wreck where every time I attempted to say it in a different way, I just kept digging my hole deeper, more trains would come join the wreck.

Eventually we moved on and I was able to scrap together a decent enough Round #2 to salvage the language exam. But it did get me thinking. It’s often easy to get tripped up on words in our own language. You know, like you just can’t think of the word to best use in your situation. Usually you can easily add in a substitute word that will suffice and everyone will move on in conversation. But, in Thai, we don’t have those words yet. The substitute words. And while the Thai person stares at me trying to stumble across the word needed to actually start making sense, I’m running around the in the forest of my mind lost as ever.  And every attempt at fixing the train wreck of a conversation on the outside of my head gets me more and more lost in the forest of my mind.

Ah…  The joys of language learning…

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I’ll translate for you what happened next:

Me: “Excuse me, the ATM machine seems to be broken and won’t give back my card.”

Banker: “One of our ATM machines?”

Me: “Yep.  The first one outside.  It ate my card.  Why would an ATM machine eat my card?  Did it not eat lunch?”  Lame joke, I know.  But I was trying!  At least they found it funny.

Banker: “Hahaha! I’m not sure if ATM machines have to eat.”

The nice banker finally goes to check the ATM and sure enough, there’s my ATM card.  But before giving it to me she needs to copy my driver’s license (because my Passport wasn’t with me).  So I sit down and wait for her to do what she needs to do.

Banker: “You look fatter in this picture on your ID card!”

Me: “I know!  It’s because Thailand is so hot all the time!  I sweat constantly!  That and all foreigners look fat compared to Thai people!  Here, have another lame joke.  But it worked…  The crowd goes wild!

Bankers: “Hahaha!  So, your name is Michael…like Michael Jackson?”

Me: “Yep, that’s me.  We’re both white!”  The lame jokes continue to pour out of me but I’d be lying if I wasn’t a bit (or a lot) proud of the conversation thus far…  all in Thai!

Bankers: “So, do you have a Thai girlfriend yet?”

Me: “Nope.  I have a foreign wife already…  One woman in my life is enough.  I can’t understand why a lot of men want more than one to deal with!”  Mildly condescending, I realize, but they thought this was hilarious!  Another point for me!

Bankers: “So I see your account isn’t with this bank.  Would you like to open an account today?”

Me: “No.  I haven’t eaten in days because I don’t have any money.”  A complete lie, but luckily they took it as the joke I meant it to be…

Bankers: “So how long will you be staying in Thailand?  Are you here on vacation?”

Me: “Nope.  I’m not here on vacation.  We’re here studying Thai but we plan on staying in Thailand for, who knows, maybe 5, 10, 20 years!  I like Thailand so much I’d love to live here until I’m GAY !!!!

Yep, that’s right.  After how proud I was to have such a long conversation entirely in Thai, tell a few jokes, and turn a headache into a good time I manage to pull something like this off.

The Thai word for old is VERY similar to the word for gay.  It takes quite a bit to embarrass me but this sure came close.  I just told an entire office of Thai bankers that I want to stay in Thailand until I’m gay!

This brings me to some closing thoughts.  In these situations you have to be able to laugh at yourself.  It’s not the first time I’ve made a fool of myself and surely won’t be the last.  I thank God for his grace as we fumble through learning a new language.  I thank Him for the good laughs in the afternoon and for supporters back home who, despite knowing I’m telling Thai people I want to be gay, will continue to support us and possibly even pray for us all the more!

You guys are the best!